I just don’t have the time, life has been busy. There are so many other things that need to work themselves out before I can share my perspective with the world. If I did it wouldn’t be very good and what I want to be heard wouldn't come through.
My life has been up in the air since I took a break from school. I left the only safety net that I had and now I needed to ensure that my worst fear of becoming a bum didn't come true. So I stayed the course, for the most part, and put the music down. I focused on nothing but making money, being a good son and getting back into the school I wanted to get into. My goal was to get back onto to stable ground.
And I did. I kept making money, I was there for my family and I got into NYU… i fucking got into Clive Davis.
This life became easy and I became comfortable; however, the thing that made me so successful in the first place suffered. I lost my passion, I lost confidence in my talent and I forgot how to be an artist…
I’ve been pushing off being an artist for as long as possible. I make resolutions and swear for growth, but nothing changes. I do the same dull shit, make the same excuses and whenever faced with an opportunity to create, I make a false start and flounder my opportunity before anything can come to fruition.
The only thing that held my connection to the creative world were the relationships I managed to grow and maintain throughout this time. I made a ton of friends and they were all doing their own thing and doing it well. I was in constant contact with people and helping friends with their own projects wherever I could. I was very much out of my element. It felt weird but it felt like growth and thats all that mattered.
Among the collective of creative individuals I was working with was a friend from Pace. We had met at the start of the school year and fed off each other’s creative energies. We both were doing our own respective things and were doing them well. Yet we both wanted to be better. Similarly he took a break from school the same year as me to figure things out, with the intention of getting into Clive Davis at the end of the year.
We were on similar paths, but went about them very differently. During his time at Pace he became unhappy with his overall sound and progression as an artist and decided to spend the year focusing developing his craft. He worked day and night on everything from his vision that came through his sound, to the equipment he used, to the techniques and styles he employed in his music and in the end he had album. A really fucking good album . He had learned to fully embody the definition of an artist.
I did the opposite I spent no time on my art and my passions, regardless of how much I promised myself I would, and spent my days trying to get into school. This required me to take a step back from substances, the mental episodes and the self deprecation, and focused on how to present my efforts and brand. A clear mind, a healthier lifestyle and a constant dialogue with my family and friends, resulted in my acceptance into school.Almost A really fucking good school.
This week he is staying with me in NYC getting the next chapter of his life together and plotting out his next goals and successes. We have been sharing our experiences from the past year and trading philosophies and techniques for our growth. This year has changed us. We both seem more confident, more defined and it sounds like we both have a better understanding of what we want; however, we took subtly different routes to get where we are now and we are both vastly different because of it.
I think we are jealous of eachothers paths or at least curious. Who knows how our lives would be if spent the last year in each others shoes. Maybe I would have found a new found love and passion for music and devolped my sound, maybe released X’s (the album I’ve been working on for what feels like forever now.) Maybe he would have discovered a part of himself he hadn’t seen in a while a side that fit the mold of general masses more. Maybe we would hate where we were. There is no way to tell, but what we do know is he probobly wouldnt have his album that tells the story of his year better than he ever could and I probably wouldn’t have my busines mindset that i plan to use for world domination.
Regardless, time will tell.